Leavings

My life has been marked by many more leavings than I ever anticipated, imagined, or intended. It seems as though I am on a continual journey -- leaving somewhere -- leaving behind hopes and dreams, leaving behind callings and jobs, leaving behind communities and homes.

I have often said that "everything leads to something else," but I never quite expected that "everything" to be so constant -- an ever-present movement away from a known and toward an elusive unknown -- along a wandering, meandering road, dotted by momentary resting places, but not arriving at any doorstep of permanence, security, or longevity.

This road of leaving is, for me, many things. It is expectancy for what lies ahead and grief for what lies behind. It is exhilerating, and it is exhausting. It is shadows and light, hills and valleys, autumn and springtime. It is everything that is certain and all things illusory. It is a path of discovery and a trail of despair. It is where I am energized to be and the place I would most like to leave behind. It is the journey that moves me onward -- away from -- and it is the journey from which my soul yearns to rest. It is that for which I seek both meaning and deliverance, and on which I encounter God over and over again -- even when I am surrounded by the profound presence of unceasing absence.

It is my own Emmaus Road.

Come walk with me anew, Lord God. Walk with me anew.